Tuesday, May 20, 2008

My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Ok, so the title is a little dramatic, but I'm telling you, I had a bad day. I want to write it just so I can release it from me and move on. Better days tomorrow, right?! The day started out fine...I mean, I was up since 3 a.m. with Max who had a fever and was just fussy. (Try getting a good night's sleep with a burning, heavy, 18 month old, who wouldn't let me put him down.) So of course NO SHOWER, NO MAKE-UP today. And we were out of everything, so I had to get the store...and I didn't just need groceries, so I had to go to Walmart b/c they have the lowest price. But the one I usually go to didn't have what I needed b/c I had just gone on Saturday. So I had to drive 10 minutes to the other Wally World. And I, of course, wanted to get it all done while Lukas was in preschool. (How does 2 hours at the store seem to go so fast???) I was late getting Lukas from preschool, but GOOD NEWS of the day...I sent Lukas off to preschool in underwear, no pull-up and he did fine AND went all by himself during preschool! YAY! That made things great for a while. Well, Max was just fussy and clingy and wouldn't let me do anything. I knew I had so much that I needed to get done, and how could I when he is just hanging on my legs? But I knew he wasn't feeling well, so I held him as much as I could. He ate lots of popsicles today. I finally got him down for a nap (which was short lived b/c he only slept for 1/2 an hour!) While he was asleep, I was trying to sew my niece's bday present that I HAD to get in the mail today (her bday is Thurs. and she lives in Cali). But for some reason my sewing machine was just not working right! I wanted to just scream. Then I really wanted to meet up with a friend to go for a walk, and I just couldn't get away...with Max not feeling well and all these things stacking up on me. (Literally stacking up...I had the hugest pile of laundry in the middle of the floor that needed folding and if I didn't get to it, the kids would jump in it and step on it and spread the mess even farther.) Whew. So, I conquered the pile, but the sewing project was still at a dead end. I finally called my mom (she is the expert seamstress) and she gave me some ideas on what to check on my machine. Well, I knew full well I wasn't going to get to it, let alone get it off in the mail. And I was so short with the kids today. I just felt like I failed in all areas. Oh, and it was a stifling 83 degrees in our house, even with all the windows and doors open. I refuse to turn on the A.C. in May. I really don't like how high our bill got last year, so I'm determined to keep it low at all costs. But the cost was me feeling hot and grumpy. Side note: I am supposed to teach a sewing class for Relief Society this week and was feeling very unprepared since I didn't even have the fabric or anything ready. And I'm an Activity Day leader and we have an activity tomorrow, so there are things that need to be done for that, too. It just seemed like it all piled up on me. To be painfully honest, I was feeling low today as I was grouchy to my kids and anytime I'd glance in the mirror, I saw this horribly old-looking chubby girl who just didn't seem to be me, but the painful reality was it is me. * Sigh* Enough self-pity, though. As I was holding a very sad Max, I realized how he was drooling a lot and his drool was laced with blood. He cut his tounge the other day and it has just gotten worse, so then I was really worried and thought I might need to take him into the Dr. I called Pat and then the nurse and decided to just let it heal and give him lots of ice and liquids. (It's really nice that Pat is in the nursing profession to help me in situations like these) The stress of being a mom and just worrying about your kids is enough to give me some gray hairs. I don't even know if I should go on. This is turning into a serious complaining session. However, I need to release the negative energy. Please feel free to stop reading at any time. Well, as good as Lukas did at preschool, he had three accidents today while we were home. It got me so frustrated and I just lost it. I couldn't understand how he was just not even trying when there are potties all around him!! Ugh. It was almost dinner time at this point, so I start getting dinner ready. I wanted to eat outside since it was warm and we just got a new BBQ. I had everything ready and set the table and was so happy that at least I could sit down and enjoy a nice dinner with my family. Everything was getting cold and I could see a storm coming in with dark clouds. The wind was picking up and just as everything is laid nicely on the table outside, the wind knocks it all off, along with half the cushions on the chairs and portions of our meal. I was so angry. And a little depressed. I lost it at dinner and just had to go upstairs and eat by myself. Then I see from the upstairs window that Lukas is halfway down the street headed to Tommy's house w/out asking permission. Max is standing there hanging off my leg screaming until I have to pick him up. I go after Lukas and am just mad that I don't have more help or feel more appreciated. I finally get Lukas home (he seriously loves Tommy) Now it's the end of the day and things are ok. I get to finally have some me time, which took quite a bit of effort to earn. Max cried/screamed for half an hour and finally went to sleep. The dishes are still not done, and the laundry isn't put away. But I'm leaving it for tonight. And I'm sure it will stare at me first thing when I wake up. I just am going to think happy thoughts and find some positive energy to get me through another day. Am I the only one that has bad days or maybe I'm the only one who writes about it. Blogging is very theraputic.

8 comments:

The Lantz Family said...

This may not mean much, but it's nice to know I'm not the only one....even sweet, perfect, beautiful JaNece has down days. Tomorrow has to be better.

Jyl said...

AWWWW JaNece! I am so sorry! I hate those kinds of days! I so wish I could have been there to help,. I have a serious condition called "Hero Syndrome" and when one of my friends is in need, I feel so sad unless I can do something! Anyway, my home teacher told me that he thought blogs were glorified daily Christmas cards, like everyone will just brag about how wonderful their life is, I tried to tell him that it was more like a journal and YES it can be therapeutic! I am glad you are helping me break the stereotype of "perfect life" blogs! Nobody's life is perfect and EVERYONE has days like this! lets stick together! Love ya!
Jyl

Jyl said...

one more thing.... Any Walmarts around us are at LEAST 45 min drive. hhahahah so I am jelouse of your 10 minute drive! but not with sick kids, you poor thing!

Paige, Lorin & Polly said...

VERY therapeutic. Even Lorin makes fun of me for blogging sometimes, but it is good "me" time & helps me look back on things with a different perspective. I hope today is better!

P.S. I used to love that book when I was little!

Tyler & Julia Andersen Family said...

Oh JaNece, I too am SO sorry! Having sick kids is NOT fun for anyone. Sometimes it makes you just feel so helpless when you feel you can't do anything more for them. I'm glad that you were able to vent about it. You are NOT alone; we all have bad days and nights, but at least they don't last forever! Hope this helps, and I sure hope you're doing better today!

Candy said...

I love my JaNece! I'm so sorry to hear that you had a poopy day. Or as far as Lukas is concerned... a pee-pee day! Sometimes it just feels like a ball that is just rolling down hill and there is nothing you can do to improve your day, I mean nothing. I'm sorry that you experienced it, but the good news is that by the time I am reading this it's all over for you and it's a new day. Whoo-hoo!!!!! Love you.

Natalie said...

You are an amazing mom and you are allowed to have these days. We all have them. It's actually nice to hear that others do have these days too. It makes me feel normal. I'm glad you wrote about it, but I hope you are better today.

Heather Ford said...

Rich and I read this together last night, and I SO feel for you!! I'm glad you shared. Sometimes it's hard to admit the bad times. But you are SOOOO not the only one. I sympathize with you on so many levels. Rich asked if I was going to comment that my husband sometimes acts like Pat. But, I think it goes without saying that men DO NOT understand us or our way of thinking sometimes. And I'm glad. How boring would life be if we married someone who always knew what we were thinking or feeling... But cheer up, and here's to better days!!!!!